tl;dr: Child from separated family decides he wants to be identified as a female. Primary care-giver mom tells dad, dad files for sole custody, wins. Three judges order child to wear only boy clothes in public.
This is amazing to me. There are so many articles in the news that are about judges who make orders on things that are violations of human rights or against the law entirely. I have wondered in the past and do again today about what kind of vetting process they have to become judges, or if the ones we have are just so old-school that they are completely out of touch to begin with. I remember growing up and learning in Sunday School about the biblical judges, who brought justice and taught the Israelites how to live righteous lives. Now, when I think of a modern-day judge, all I can associate is the person who is looking to punish a guilty party in a way that they feel is fitting. Of course, the majority of judges in the majority of cases must rule appropriately, but far too often there is one case or another where it just goes entirely the wrong way. And this is one of them.
First of all, does the child have psychological problems and is maybe confused about how to behave in a split-family environment where the primary adult influence is female? Possibly. I'm sure that is part of the argument the father is using to get custody of the child. And the child probably needs to see a qualified professional to truly gain an understanding of what he or she is really feeling. That being said, just about any kid - especially one from a broken home - could benefit from psychiatric help. Most adults too. The danger in this situation, and what the judges were completely complicit in, was that they are forcing a gender roll on an impressionable child by changing the terms of the custody arrangements, which no matter what happens, is going to cause harm to the child psychologically.
I am of the opinion that mothers get custody in the vast majority of custody cases by default regardless of the fact that the child or children would benefit more from being in the father's care, and this is done because historically it was this way and we are just too weak as a culture to address it and fix the system. There should be a fair review of the facts before any decision is made, and made without any bias. In this case, maybe the father is an equal or better provider, but what you already know by the decisions he made about using this to fight for full custody is that he does not believe in the child's right to decide his or her own identity. The long-term effects of forcing a child to mold to the parent's ideas of what that parent believes is appropriate will be harmful more often than not when that parent is acting on negative ideals. Why do we have so many racists in the world today? Because their parents were racists.
Amazing, I'm breaking an almost ten year silence. Why? Because I can't write this on Facebook and I couldn't find an appropriate Reddit sub-reddit, so I'm going to vent here instead. Because venting must happen. Oh yes.
First off, it's required to read this article: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/canada-child-benefit-by-default-goes-to-woman-1.3812520
Is it just me, or is this actually the craziest thing I've read all morning (ignoring the fact that this is the first thing I read this morning)? I've been discussing this with my wife for the last half-hour, and I still feel like we're arguing the same side of opposite coins, so now I want feedback from the world at large. My arguments:
1. The dad has legal custody of his kids, lives with them and his gf
2. He applied for Canada child benefits
3. CRA would only give him the benefits vs. his live-in gf if she signed them (the benefits) over to him.
I understand that the world isn't fair, and we are slowly fighting our way back (back?) to an equitable system between genders, races and species and so forth, but I feel like articles such as this are steps back in the wrong direction.
"What we know is that when benefits are paid directly to moms, our evidence suggests that more of the money will be spent on things that directly benefit the kids, because moms are doing that type of shopping. So as a default policy, this tends to make sense," - Tammy Schirle, a professor of economics at Wilfrid Laurier University in Waterloo, Ont.
This is a terrible way to think, when it comes to deciding how a system should work.
"Quite often mom is the one to have lower earnings within a household, and in that sense they have less bargaining power, and so it should be up to them with their explicit permission to give up those types of benefits."
Why should that make a difference? Let's imagine for a minute that my wife is the male and major provider in our household, and I'm the wife and part-time housewife-slash-worker. I would still feel like she (he?) deserves the money for my step-kids because they are biologically hers and I'm just the step-mom. Can there be an argument against this?
Thu, Apr. 26th, 2007, 08:36 am
Fri, Apr. 20th, 2007, 06:41 pm
Ok, need to waste time now.
It's officially been a very tough last few days, since my computer has been in shop. Don't worry, it's not being repaired, it's being upgraded. Not quite as nice as "replaced," but we work with what we have. Oh, and it's not because I don't have access to a computer, because obviously I do, but because I tossed out both of my TV's simultaneously and now have no way to watch my shows. Or listen to my thousands of songs at my disposal. And who wants to exert the effort of putting a CD in the CD player? Honestly.
Mark my words, the Canucks will loose game 5. Well, that's what I said yesterday, lo and behold, I was right. Everybody argued with me, and though I am fiercely dedicated to our boys in blue and white, I'm also a realist. Most people have the notion in their heads that we're the best in the world, neigh unbeatable, and will bring home the cup this year.
Most people haven't watched any of the games this season.
And we're not better than all the other teams. Just waaaaaay better than Toronto. But that just goes without saying.
So stop yapping about how great we are all the time, and realize that we're really great some of the time. Hardly ever when it counts though. For instance, game one, up 4 to 2. We gave up two goals in the third and ended up going to an inane number of overtime periods as a result. This just reflects what we do when we're in the lead... give it up. We play much, much better when we're behind, and need to catch up. Look at the record of all the games we won, the results say that the majority were one-goal games. That says it all right there, we win by one goal. And usually in overtime, because then we don't give them the opportunity to catch back up since the game is then over.
Don't be a silly fan. Be a smart fan.
Or just be a fan.
Unless your name is Brian.
Moving on. Unfortunately, as well as loosing my ability to watch my shows, the ability to do most of my artwork goes down the crap-shoot when I don't have my computer. I thought the reverse would be true, but I apparently proved myself wrong. Expect to see something cool as soon as I get that stupid thing back.
Man I'm getting hungry. Today hasn't been a patient day... spend too much time staring at the clock. Hurry up already! I wanna go bowling nowwww.
So I've been spending the last couple days doing some reflecting. Reflecting back on where I've been, and where I am today. Geez, I had this big speal all written out, until I took a look in the dictionary to define a word and realized that I was actually wrong from the start. Well there's five minutes of my life I'll never get back!
If you had come up to me a year ago today, and told me all the things that would happen in the last year, I probably would have said, "wow, can you really tell the future? And now that I know it, can I change it? Is there really no spoon!?!" Of course, if you could tell the future, you'd probably be clairvoyant enough to know how much of a nerd I am, and wouldn't have bothered getting into the whole thing.
But not the point I'm trying to make.
I bet sometimes you wish I'd just spare you all the middle stuff and just get to the point.
But then why would they have 'a round about way of doing things'?
There'd be no point.
I've been thinking about the progress I've made. Back then, I was stuck in a rut. I'm not going to blame anyone else for my own choices, but the situation I was in certantly wasn't helping me any. I can't believe some of the things I've been doing... the things I've been eluding to. A solid job, making a decent living. Getting a mortgage and buying a house. Buying a motorcycle and getting licenced. Going golfing with my grandpa. Enjoying spending time with my family. And above it all, living my life for Christ, which ultimately matters most.
So where to go from here? I've been asking myself that alot. I'm going to stop having these one-way conversations with my head and start praying about it more. Jordan has some fantastically amazing things in mind, and though I usually enjoy to be in the driver seat when it comes to most things, I don't mind riding his coat-tails on this one. Though I do confess that above all... I just want to go golfing again.
I can see why after 57 years, he's still golfing.
So did you watch the game last night? That was some pretty amazing stuff right there. What I found even more interesting, was that we watched all the other games going on as well as the Canucks game. It's been a few years since we could get excited about our home team, but this time I feel myself getting excited about the whole thing. But I have one thing that I'm not so excited about.
Outside my family, I'd say that 99% of my friends and collegues don't care about hockey. Imagine it! I want nothing more than to enjoy listening or watching the game with all my friends, or listening to it on the radio at work. But I can't. Because nobody wants to. In fact, not only do they not want to watch or listen to the game, but they are actively against it, because they would rather do other things.
Makes you a loner. Makes you a loner when it comes to being part of one of the most exciting things you can be a part of.
Makes me all kinds of sad.
Sun, Apr. 8th, 2007, 07:50 am
A shorter post for now. I've been neglectful, so this by no means covers anywhere near what I wanted to talk about. But for now, let's all celebrate the day our Lord arose from the dead to assure our salvation! And, cause I like to do tributes, I'll leave you with this.
Of course this is more of a "Good Friday" thing, but I'm lazy, what can I say!
It was good to get out into that brisk, almost-summer air, finish off building a fence and pour a concrete slab. It's funny, because at this time last year, I would have agreed if anyone called me the laziest person on the planet. Now, a 40 hour week is just the bare minimum of actual work I do, I almost put in a full day on my days off as well. And that's on top of volunteer work. The only thing I regret not doing today was taking my bike out for a spin, but I guess I can just wait for the next sunny day.
Which, by the sounds of it, should be around sometime in July.
Ironically, I lost all that joy and enthusiasm I wrote about last time by the next morning. I don't know what came over me, but a couple things didn't go my way, and everything just slid downhill for a couple days. It wasn't anything bad, I just had no joy left. I felt better today, in a large part from the sun and working out in it, and I hope it sticks. I have Friday off as a holiday, but apparently they're calling for rain, which isn't so fun and exciting. Jordan and I have another hike planned, and all-dayer... I'd be all kinds of sad if we couldn't go. But I want to do something, I couldn't imagine just sitting around!
The play ended on Sunday, and mostly everyone I invited made it out. Actually... no never mind. Less than half of the tickets I gave out ended up coming, but some of the more important ones did come. Check out my facebook album
for the pictures I took. Later, when the more professional ones are taken, I'll add those. I just checked the link I just posted, and it told me that you have to have a Facebook account to view the pictures. Well guess what.
Time for you to get a Facebook account.
So some pretty big things are stirring, and I'm not just talking about getting hungry. I hope things work out well, but I'll know more after lunch tomorrow, after I have an important meeting. That meeting is followed by another important meeting at work, which is followed by more important meetings. Well actually there are only the two important meetings, I just wanted to see how many times I could get away with saying important meeting.
Wow, I have to say this has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life.
I talked before about how I don't do well at all with downtime, so as if in dramtic irony, fate decided that I wouldn't get any! And normally, in the past, I'd have been exhausted just crawling out of bed. But now... I've gone a whole week without a moment's rest, and I'm still capable of going on. A "renewal of the mind," I believe it to be. Stop seeing work as such a stupid, pointless waste of time, and you get through the day much better.
On Tuesday, Jordan and I enjoyed a fantastic hike up Mike Lake area, which neither of us were in shape for at all. I can't speak for him, but it took till today for me to be able to move without looking completely retarded. That means one thing though. Need to do it more. Need to do alot of things more, including work. I'm up to six days a week solidly now, and if I can get some more paying jobs at night, I should be doing quite well I think. With some interesting opportunities on the horizon, I'm pretty excited for this summer. And not just for all the sun and the motor bike riding that comes of it.
The first shot of the play went really well today. I have pictures of the cast, but I wont post them yet, because you probably haven't seen the play yet. So you can see them on Sunday or Monday or whenever I find the time to put them up!'
What else. Today I wasn't particularily looking forward to, because I got suffled out to Chilliwack to pick up their slack there, and it's kind of an inconvienience to drive all the way out there. But I do it, and do it joyfully, and today went pretty well. They have an nice store, and a nice staff, but ultimately the girls at my store are much nicer and much prettier. Except for Jody, cause she can be a big meany sometimes!
Just kidding Jody. =P
There's alot of interesting things happening behind the scenes, but it's all stuff you have to wait for. No fun spilling the beans prematurely. Have patience!
I have to admit, that even my abnormally lofty personality is being somewhat hampered by this unbearable and perpertual rain! I remember how on Tuesday, when the sun was out shining for that brief, insignificant amount of time, how we all gravitated towards the open door which was allowing the warm blessing of the bright day air.
Man it would be nice to feel that again.
In the past, I've always enjoyed the winter, because winter meant snow. But unfortunatly, I've hardly had the opportunity to enjoy the dark season's phenominon, and as a result, I very much look forward to the summer for a change, where I can bask under the deadly UV rays like a lizard and bake. That's bake, not get baked.
I've made a few leaps an bounds into my own identity which I've found to be no end of enjoyable and entertaining. I've also listened well and drawn some fantastic conclusion about life and love and happiness, and also the Holy Ghost! And yes I did just rip off an Audio Adrenaline song. I apologize.
Last night, my cousins were out from the island visiting, and demanded an audience with my nephew, who is high in demand these days. So the lot of us herded ourselves off to my grandparents for feeding and socializing, and we had many great conversations. I asked my dad about missions, and talked to my Uncle Mark, whose a pastor in Duncan, about some of his books he wrote. Currently, I'm ejoying reading his second to latest book "The Rest Of God," which is about how to keep the Sabbath, and consiquently, your sanity. There's more to it than that, but hey, I've still got alot of reading to go. I noticed two important points, which I think I'll go ahead and point out, in the chapter on "work." As you well may or may not know, I take a long and serious look at work, and that generally while I should be working. I've noticed a thing or two, mainly how much I disliked it. Now I have a change in attitude, and perhaps you can understand why.
My uncle Mark wrote this: When you have had one of those take-this-job-and-shove-it-days, try this. On your way home, stop in at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchace a rectal thermometer made by the Q-tip Company. Be sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be dusturbed during your therapy. Change into something comfertable, such as a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, remove it, and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer. As you read, notice in small print the statement: "Every rectal thermemter made by Q-tip is personally tested."
Close your eyes. Say out loud five times, "Thank you, oh thank you, that I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company."
The first chapter of the book is about the "work of God," and how to know if you're doing God's work. It's explained, in longer, more accurately and with a better vocabulary, that if we're doing the job God called us, we're doing the work of God. He also points out what I've missed all this time: In Genesis, it clearly points out that God made work suck. After he cast Adam and Eve out of the garden, he specifically made sure that by and large we would not enjoy going to work. But he also pointed out that it is completely nessisary, so we might as well do it with a joyful heart. And for so long, all I've consumed my thoughts with is how can I make this make me more happy, instead of how can I be more joyful and praise God in every pair of glasses I make. Different attitude, right? Absolutely.
Dave and Jen bought Papa Murphies stuffed crust pizza tonight. Our house smells like pizza. I almost forget how much I miss the sun.
But then I'm reminded of two things: no hockey and no motorbike riding until sun comes out. Phooie, I says, phooie.
My company has an annual golf tournament every year (otherwise it wouldn't be annual) and I've raised the bar by proclaiming that this year, I will beat them all. I also now realize I said the very same thing when our Young Adults group went mini golfing at Castle Fun Park, directly preceeding my humilating falure as I came in last. Well this time will be different, for I have an ace up my sleeve. His name is grandpa, and he... actually doesn't fit up my sleeve. Anyway, he's going to teach me to golf, since other than having no experience, I've got... no experience.
But if we didn't set the bar, how then would we not fail to reach it? There's a bit of "I should have been in bed four days ago" logic for yah. And on that note... a-ha, this week's Smallville ephisode is offically completed downloading, and I will proceed to enjoy it. =D
Alright Veronica, this one's for you, hun.
Actually, I'm surprised it took me this long to post, especially since it's not from a lack of things to say. It probably has something to do with Crackbook
, which I haven't been able to stop my addiction of using. Well, to be honest, I already did start the post, but aborted it halfway through, and I can't remember why. Now to pick up on where I left off!
These days are getting more hectic by the moment, as now that my father's car has gone out of commission, I've become the desegnated taxi again. I don't mind, really, it's pretty well all part and parcel of the whole family gig in my opinion, but it's given me alot of time to reflect on the whole situation. Not the situation involving me driving, but the one in which I do it. I thought about it, and concluded that indeed, there is no single perfect and selfless act, no matter what we do, we want something for it. It's all part of being human, and on one level or another, we want to come out on top. So what drives me to do all that then?
I like the attention I get. Since the beginning of time (a.k.a. my birth) (yes it's considered the beginning of time, simply because I didn't exist before it and therefore neither did any of you, and you can't prove it anyway so I'm right) I've always walked in my brother's shadow. It didn't matter what he did, he was always the oldest and therefore the most respected and trusted. Now, I don't hold it against him... he's extremely bright and phenomally good with his finances, whereas I struggle sometimes in making mature discisions, but I've always strived to get the respect and recognition he recieves simply through his birthright. Example, my grandpa's brother had box seats for Canuck games, which my grandfather, father and brother all get invited to. That's just how it goes. Meh!
Monday night I met with Brian, and we worked together on some more things for the website, which was supposed to be finished today, but I had kind of a crazy day and didn't get it done. Opps! We also watched the hockey game and I did some art stuff, which I also need to finish still. Actually, I had planned to do everything today, and I've got to say that it was my least-productive day off yet! Though I was busy all day anyway...
Yesterday after work, Jordan and I went to something called Intersession, which meets at Maple Ridge Baptist Church. It's a Young Adult's worship night, and it was pretty darn awsome. They do some worship, then have a speaker, and then wrap it up with some more worship. The speaker yesterday was doing it for his first time, and you could tell cause he was pretty rough. But I had alot of sympathy for him, cause I remembered my first time... I was surprised anybody even stayed till the end. But everyone has to start somewhere, and I gotta give him props, cause he did a really good job. He spoke about the importance of servitude, how Jesus first demonstrated it for us and told us to do as he had done. I think one of the most interesting points he made was the sacrifice of Mary when she anointed Jesus' feet with perfume, which he found was a rare perfume made in Persia at the time. Apparently the cost of this perfume has been valued at the sum of a persons wages over 30 years, or as the guy last night put it, as rare as a bottle of David Beckhams sweat drained from his jersey after a soccer game. That's pretty valuable. I'm glad she opted for the perfume and not the sweat, personally. And then to wash his feet off with her tears? Now, as a guy, I don't cry much (once in a while just a single solitary tear of thoughtful appriciation runs down my cheek... it gets the chicks) but I can imagine that generating that much moisture out of the eyes would be a tough thing to pull off. No matter how you split it, a powerful illustration.
Afterwards Jordan and I drove around town, went for coffee, and ended up out at Pitt Lake where he pulled into the parking lot and I accused him of taking advantage of me and trying to make out with me. Haha, I'm sorry Jordan, I'll leave you alone, I promise! Eventually. Actually we had a really good talk, and I'm glad we can be so open with each other. It's really helped me feel more confident about things being able to have someone to talk to about them, and bounce ideas and things off each other.
Today I tried to sleep in, but I kept getting pestered all morning and I failed miserably.I was actually having a great dream and then got woken up rudely... now I can't even remember what it was about. Oh well. So I went to Crumbs for lunch with Veronica, which I enjoyed, but she didn't eat anything which annoyed me. I'm pretty sure she was hungry, too, so she isn't going to get away with that ever again. Then tonight I watched the game with my dad and siblings, and had a really good time. My dad cooked spagetti, and since I can probably count on one hand the number of times he's cooked dinner which wasn't natchoes, I'm pretty impressed. Especially since the sauce was excellent, and I can't figure out what that extral little flavour was! All he said was it was "a bit of this and a bit of that, and a couple things crawling across the floor" so I'm convinced they have some pretty yummy bugs in that house.